There is such a strong call for me to start this journey by relating what surrender means to me right now, is much stronger than me.
Words are so loud in my heart that my typing cannot be done fast enough…
What Eckhart just described is the explanation as to why I suffered so much physical pain over the past 10/15/20 years. I am only 34 as I begin this, but already I could fill an entire one just on each and every unpleasant experience I went through.
Jesus represents all that are human in our presence, in our being. His suffering and anguish and bleeding represents every pain body created by my egoistic self. That is not me, that is not who Jesus was and I am. The very awareness that this self is not my brings me to my real I, the I that am, the light, the real presence, the God that I am and always have because we are just one. There is not a big God out there, He is right here with me. Writing these words with me, my hands are tingling with so much aliveness and that is God, this is it. I am God because He is I. We are one single formless being that brings live into this space of awareness in our time as human beings in this Universe. This is just a part of it, it’s not the end, it is just part of it.
The awareness brought me to the letting go of the pain. In my case my pain was always very real, tangible feeling, therefore is easy to close my eyes and see the pain dissipate into thin air. I also see the energy in colour form. I actually need to find out why, but I see colours when I meditate.
What a burden to be relieved from, real peace feels like goose bumps all over my body. They turn into little tickles on my cells, they thank me right now. I am so alive with joy now my voice is really heard by myself.
No one else matters right now, just me. My form body is healed, is whole, is strong and is so ready to start leaving in the moment. I no longer identify with this pain.
My pain body has been carried by generations before me. The women in my family have always been burdened by the weight of being the warrior, being the wordless sufferer. Being tough and strong to handle the difficult times in silence and still be enough of a woman to carry her family through each and every situation on her daily life.
It stops here, it only takes my moment of awakening for it to be over soon. It took years for the consciousness to arrive, but arrive it has, within me. My daughter will not carry this heavy burden to her daughter. It will take time, it will still be painful from time to time but I am now aware of my ego, therefore it will not take over my mind.
I am so much greater then that, that in itself explain my infamous strength as a woman.
Sandra
In Joy With My Self
